I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
