i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
