I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
