she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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