she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
