I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
