i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
