He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
