While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
