She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Your cock deserves a montage
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
