i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
