I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
