For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
