He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
this hospital has no fireball
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
