it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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