If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
