If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
