I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
