I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
