How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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