I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
