And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
