I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
