Im at strip club and am horny
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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