He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
