nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
