I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
