Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just want nice things and good sex
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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