New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
