apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
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