Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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