she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
