My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
