i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
