he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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