You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
