I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
