id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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