We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
