So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You need a sexual gate keeper
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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