i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I deserve this hangover.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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