Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
