I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Girls should come with a carfax report
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
