i'm signing you up for texting rehab
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
