so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
