Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
