I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
