I need help removing her.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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