I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
