Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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