On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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