Got a toothbrush?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
